I love pictures of paths - as you might guess from the name of my blog - Pathway to Peace. This picture of a winter path is a visualization of my walk right now. It's a picture of the stuff of the season closing in on me after a fall of not feeling well. I'm better, but the evil one still uses my feelings of panic from so many years of wondering if my energy would hold out while battling chronic illness that is thankfully only chronic but seldom acute - years of fibromyalgia, and now Epstein-Barre numbers that signify a low-end infection of mono.
I noticed that I wrote on the Christmas season and the New Year back in 2010 when I first started blogging. I invite you to go back and use those as devotionals during this season - as these were seasons where God seemed to share something with me that felt noteworthy enough to share with others. And though I go through seasons of doing where I don't write much, it seems that God always gives me an altar-experience just when I wonder if I'll ever have one again - like those of the Israelites when God showed up and they built an altar to recognize His provision. And when I'm allowed one of those - where you just feel like God has spoken - (how do I explain this, except to those of you that know what I mean?) I always feel the need to record it, because I know how fleeting it can seem - AND how easily I forget what I've "heard".
Just this morning I had a tiny return glimpse of a morning I had a week or so ago when God just showed up in my quiet time. It was a morning where I was reflecting on the low-level anxiety and malaise that comes when my mono numbers go up - and reveling that I was beginning to come out of that state again. I sat in the dark right before dawn asking God what I needed to have learned from that dark season of fall where I just went through the motions of life, feeling little joy and having seemingly no revelations in response to my prayers.
I was inspired to write a poem that day, something I haven't done much of in the past season of busyness - life-coaching private and Love Inc clients, and Stephen's ministry and teaching Children's Lit at the junior college, and facilitating a bible study. It was a poem that just reminded me to LISTEN - to wait for a thought bubble that seems unusual - not a normal thought pattern. Or to wait for a minute vacation - a moment to thank God for the abilily to feel joy in a moment, maybe even in a sunbeam or a tree-lined lane in the fall, or a cozy cloudy day that I can be at home, or even a made bed and a bedroom that is in order, a sanctuary at the end of a day.
I noticed after this fall of low-level blahness - not having the energy to do much besides get through my days (which I should be thankful that I could still do!!!) that I had lost my joy. But there was one day I came out of my closet and looked at my made bed and the pretty bedroom I get to retire to at the end of the day and thanks for that moment welled up within me. What is this unaccustomed feeling? Joy! It seemed so long since I had recognized beauty.
And today, when driving to class, realizing I needed some caffeine to get into the morning, it might have been the caffeine - but I saw a truck on the outer road of the highway that just looked like it was driving in a postcard scene, that made me think of God and thank Him for that momentary glimpse of beauty. I turned off the radio spouting political insights, and let thoughts of my Savior replace my world weariness.
This led my thoughts to the choir special we used to sing and that included that term: world- weariness. That song spoke to me the first time I heard it years ago and I still use it to get into my quiet time, especially on walks. I share it with you now, and though you may not be familiar with the tune, I invite you to really listen to the words. I think the title is True Contentment,
Listen, Listen my world weary spirit,
A voice midst the clamor is calling low.
How sweet the whisper of my dear Savior.
His word calms my worries,
His life makes me whole.
Let go, let go, my earth-bound spirit.
The One who is wiser is calling low,
His wisdom is higher than my finite reason.
Faithfully follow and you will not fall.
The world is shouting for my affection,
With promise of pleasure
And treasures of gold.
Yet still my heart knows that true contentment
Is only by trusting and resting of soul.
Wisdom and strength grant to me Holy Spirit,
To walk in this kingdom but not call it home.
For here I have no lasting treasure.
I journey to heaven where I'm fully known.
And so I also share what came to me another morning this fallwhen after a long season of silence, where the warm sun turned into cooler days and the leaves fell off the trees and my energy seemed to fade with them, I "heard" God again, just as I did this morning telling me I could find joy - even though it was one of those mornings that needed a God-start as well as a caffeine jolt. This is the same message that has been stirring my heart through the pages of John Eldredge's book Walking with God which I highly recommend and which had to be a God-incidence - no coincidence - that that book came into my hands just at the right time to help me come out of this past season of cloudy fall-like slowness.
What came was reminder to LISTEN, that as I am less productive as the years continue to slow me, that I should not find discomfort in that, but rest in the opportunity to listen more.
Listen,...His voice can creep slowly into your consciousness
as imperceptively as the dawn creeps over the darkness.
Imperceptively...Your whisper comes...I must slow to catch it,
strain in silence to hear.
Silence is suddenly replaced with a flutter in my heart -
a word from Him - a new perception.
Thoughts form into an impression that gels and
I must pause to catch it and translate it into words.
It is not from my mind. It is unique - a transformed thought -
a renewing of my mind.
Enlightenment and Encouragement come as I recognize Your voice.
No, this is not from me. I cannot force or expect when You will speak.
There are days and seasons I must wait on You to speak -
when I must rely on the written Word You have given to all Your children -
that I must renew and write on my heart diligently
as You reveal new and deeper meaning for each new day.
And I must write these personal revelations -
capture them before my heart and life go on without them.
Now - now, I must take these insights from You and Your marching orders
and step back into my life, step by step, living and serving AND listening.
Listening and waiting and praising and thanking.
