My husband is working through the insurance to cancel the beach house we had planned for a big extended family Christmas as we speak. I've finally packaged up all the gooey butter cookies, Oreo cookie balls, almond bark candy, peppermint almond bark, to name a few of the Christmas confections that were destined for NC. We'll probably be eating the Italian Vegetable soup I had frozen for the big crew til April!! But the worst thing is...this is the second Christmas we won't get to be with grandkids.
As I began to veg and spiral down into purposeless and pouting, I had that still small voice pop into my mind to remind me of my lack of thankfulness. After all, my husband only has had 2 days of Covid where he slept most of the day with a runny nose, and seems better already. We really thought it was a cold, but decided to get tested just to be safe before we started our trip - which was supposed to have been today. He's not fighting for his life, like my cousin in Colorado right now who is at the point of being intubated in a Colorado hospital. And we aren't mourning, like my friends who lost their 60 year old full-of-life brother, and we aren't fighting pancreatic cancer like my sister-in-law. We are sitting here in a warm house with ordered groceries on the way and plenty of soup in the freezer! Disappointed - yes - but how dare I forget to be thankful? What I have is not the thankfulness that we're called on to have in all circumstances - what I have is a case of attitude and a quarantinitis.
Like children waiting for Christmas to come, it's so easy to become irritable when we aren't getting our way. Emilie Barnes talked about the discouragement that came upon her even as she wrote her book A Cup of Hope as she was fighting cancer with the fatigue, the baldness, the chemo. But she didn't stay there - she wrote a book about how to hope in the face of horrible circumstances - talk about something good being made from the bad!
It's normal at times like this that we forget who the Parent is as we tend to spiral down into wanting to throw a temper tantrum and stamp our foot that we aren't getting our way!! However, if we can let the adult that calls herself a Christian take over, we may remember that we weren't promised a trouble free world; John 16:33 tells us: In this world there will be trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.
How bad does it have to get before we go to our Father to help us when we fall into bad circumstances? Whether it's a skinned knee (my Christmas plight) or a terrible diagnosis, His words remind us: All things work together for good to those who love the Lord. (Romans 8:28) God reminded Job that He is God and operates on His own timing and plans. And if we stop and go to His word we will be reminded what Emilie Barnes tells us: He has a bigger plan in mind that just giving us what we want. (For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11. ) And yes, sometimes that future may be in heaven, but we don't get to pick when and how that trip will be. Emilie also reminds us: God does His best work when we run out of options.
Emilie goes on to say that when circumstances come that try us, when we have to call upon Him for Hope, is the place where He shapes us, teaches us (if we will learn), tests, and refines us. He knows we're His children and He's always working to grow us up.
And, unfortunately, we don't only forget to go to Him for an attitude adjustment. We often forget to go to Him until we're completely helpless. I'm always amazed at the irony of how newscasters talk about sending thoughts and prayers when catastrophes happen - but God is never mentioned in ordinary newscasts. I repeat: How bad does it have to get before we go to Him?
Emilie ends one of her devotions with simple but profound advice when feelings of despair and discouragement cloud over our feelings of thankfulness and eat away at our hope. She says, "As you wait on God's answers - (and yes, sometimes they will not be the answer we want), take care of yourself physically, stay in the Word, and maintain your important relationships."
And so, maybe this Covid Christmas is giving me the best gift I can get - EVEN above getting to see the grandkids. Maybe He knew I needed a time to sit and reflect instead of crazily packing the car with presents and stuff. Maybe this time of reflecting on God's purposes is a gift to remind me of how to rely on Him when really big circumstances come my way. What a gift to know that the peace that passes understanding is available to us. How easy it is to forget the promise of Philippians 4: The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, WITH THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I'm also reminded...the second best present I have to be thankful for is FACETIME, that will allow us to share in Christmas morning even though my loved ones are far away. I'm actually having feelings of excitement to replace my doldrums as I type that!!
And so...I share an old poem that is time for me to revisit from Cream for My Coffee (which is still available if you'd like a copy, just let me know) - the book that I wrote in other times where I had some remembering to do...
Rejoice You Say?
"Rejoice always" (Phil. 4:4)
Is that what you say?
You expect this? Lord, how can you?
How can I face,
Live in this place
I find myself muddling through?
You say, don't look down
At the problems I've found.
Look past them to just see You.
But I'm not restored;
Help me now, Lord.
I'm floundering in all that I do.
All I see looks so dark.
How do I embark
Upon this path before me?
I can't see Your face,
I can't feel Your grace;
I see through this mirror dimly.
Yet it's here in the valley
Where my faith learn to rally,
And I begin to hear Your voice.
Though the way is steep,
My path You'll keep.
How I walk though, is my choice.
If I just spend an hour,
Stop to smell Your flowers,
The way seems not quite so long.
For finding Your treasure
Is not always through pleasure,
Though if I listen You'll give me a song.
Help me not to complain
When I'm cold in the rain,
Without which the flowers won't grow.
I must look beyond
That of which I'm not fond.
I know that to reap I must sow.
So while I find myself here
In this place that I fear,
Lord, help me to see Your face.
Help me comprehend
The blessings You send,
And to go slow and walk in Your peace.
For there's much that I miss
When I get down like this,
So many ways You love me so.
Help me embrace
Any hardships I face -
And trust, and because of them, grow.
