Yes, He does still speak. Maybe not audibly. But He speaks clearly in the sunrise, the silent snowfall, the smile of a friend, in His promises in the Word, and in the lives of His saints. Yes, He speaks.
Often I sit in the early morning light and read His Word. And sometimes there is a subtle shift in my heart, or even an a-ha when the ears of my heart suddenly open. It's beyond explanation but this morning I heard these words: He remembers His covenant forever, the promise He made for a thousand generations. Ps. 105:8.
Yes, sometimes I just read His Word, but today I heard these words in my heart. I am drawn up short as I read that verse in the middle of a devotional by Anne Voskamp from the Way of Abundance. I breathe in the meaning. And then I grieve for those whose have encountered those promises - maybe in a church service, or when scanning the radio stations in the car - but who haven't breathed them in - who may have considered them as part of their culture, even their Sunday routine, but haven't made them theirs - who, as they meet the things in life that break us all, forget them as they desperately try to hold themselves together on their own.
As a little girl sitting in Catholic church, I believe I heard the whisper of His Word even though I couldn't really make out the full message. I loved church and took the bible off the shelf where it sat at home and tried to make sense of the directives in the Proverbs even as an early reader. But it wasn't until a Young Life meeting in high school where I began to hear the Word preached by a young college student leader who applied them in a way that high schoolers could understand...and they they suddenly came alive to me. I'll never forget the first prayer I prayed that wasn't a pre-written one for me, where I really talked to God and said, "Let my life be a prayer." Over the years, there have been times where I got in the way of hearing them, looking more at my circumstances horizontally so that I didn't spend enough time reaching up vertically. But even when my own self-talk drowned out a message He had for me - and still does oftentimes - I can honestly say, He has never left me. I know if I but wait He will speak to me again and my heart will be whole.
This morning He speaks to me further in words from Anne Voskamp's experience that suddenly shout at me in the dim light: When life breaks our hearts, goes ahead and breaks parts and members of us - there are moments that can re-member us, that can put the parts and members of bits of our hearts back together again.
This psalm I read at the brink of day re-members me and arms me for the journey. No matter what the day, the month, the year holds for me - whatever joy or sorrow - He remembers me. He has kept His promises to me on my small journey on this planet - just as He did to the Israelites, and to Mary when stunned by her virgin pregnancy, and to the Ephesians, and the Corinthians, and to any of us today who will still themselves long enough to listen.
As I re-member this morning, I think back to times when His promises to never leave me were all I had to cling to. And He brought me through, every time. And I became better, not bitter, as was once my tendency. Remembering this morning truly does re-member me - and the chips of my heart that are broken even now are glued back into place with the gentle touch of trust and hope.
And then I read these words as I continue on in my reading: The great challenge of faith is holding onto hope after you've lost your naivete... The art of living lies in the balance of holding on - and letting go because He's holding on to you. He's holding on to everything... Hold on to His promises. Let go into His plan.
And, despite the state of the world, and the aches of unanswered prayers, and the ache in my back, I go into this day re-membered.
Re-membering
Take heart, I have overcome the world,
Though in this world there will be trouble.
These words come to me once more
Forming like a vaporous bubble...
That slows me in my random thoughts
Clawing to make sense
Of the suffering of this world,
Sometimes vague, sometimes intense.
And in the remembering of all the times
He has come to me in the dark,
When prayer was all I had
And He empowered me to embark...
On a journey back to wholeness,
Putting the pieces of my heart
Back together in the re-membering,
He's done this from the start...
From when I first started listening
Not just holding Him as a belief,
But heard His words as a promise,
A place to go for relief.
And I pray now for those
Who might not yet know this hope,
Who are struggling with the things of life,
Trying on their own to cope.
With the recent diagnosis,
Or the heartache of abuse,
Or the fear of tomorrow's bills
Or anxiety tightening like a noose.
I pray that their ears
Might be opened to His Word,
That they will recognize them
As the best they've ever heard.
And my heart slows its throbbing
Ache for for those who ache,
And rests in the assurance
He will keep offering til they take.
For I stop and still to think
Of all my prayers that have been heard,
And I remember now and trust
That I can take Him at His word.
