Whether anyone reads this or not, I write for myself because when something touches my heart, I firmly believe it's one of the ways God speaks.  I wish I would write those touches down more often because God tells us to remember what He's done for us.  And without writing things down I don't remember much these days of sliding down the other side of the proverbial hill!!

This quote spoke to me this morning.  As I look at it again this Easter week, I think of the absolute suffering Jesus endured for us.  It's unfathomable.

And yet, I look at so many suffering in this world - my friend in a wheelchair who has been in the hospital for almost 5 months who is finally going home to two children as a single parent.  I think of another friend who has been out of town at another hospital over 6 months,having experimental bone marrow tests to try and save both of her children who have a disease that most children die of by the age of 10. And to watch their sufferering from the grueling rounds of chemo and other meds they are also using.   I think of yet another friend who just celebrated her son's 23rd birthday, even though he's been gone for 2 years, having had a AVM rupture in his brain at age 10 - AND she's celebrating that, even while caring for her severely autistic 16 year old.  Another is a grandmother to 3 beautiful children who lost their mother a year ago to cancer, watching her son go through this loss with grace and thankfulness for having had his wife for the time he had her.

But they have what Jesus didn't - they have HIM in their hearts.  Jesus was entirely separated from the sweetness He was used to in complete oneness with His Father as He bore our sins on the cross, SO THAT my friends - and I - can have His Spirit to walk through any crosses we are called to bear.

We all have crosses in this life. We can all think of our own sufferings along the way in this broken world.  Jesus said clearly,"In this world there will be trouble."  Paul had a thorn which God didn't take away, even though He asked repeatedly for it to be gone, but accepted  in order to keep himself humble.  Jesus also said, "Take up your cross and follow Me."

These friends are ones I have been so blessed to watch navigate their own Golgothic hills, their own Via Deloroses.  These friends are the ones I watch walk their tragic roads with dignity and grace, and FAITH - dependent on the Holy Spirit.  They don't hide their grief that must be expressed.  But they always REMEMBER that God is with them.  Jesus has rescued us from complete separation from the Father, and gives us our own promise of Easter whether on this earth or the next.  Walking those roads ahead are unfathomable - but walking those roads with His Spirit are doable, even if still grueling.

It gives me an amazing peace even as I contemplate the road ahead of me - not borrowing trouble - but wondering what I will find out from the neurologist I've been sent to with orders to see him STAT because of an "abnormal" MRI.  It showed a severe sinus infection which may be all it is.  But the inablity to be steady on my feet, trouble with my eyesight lately, a tremor that has changed my handwriting to be not recognizable as mine,  joint stiffening to the point where I was recently on crutches for a week, having torn my miniscus in my knee...all point to the distinct possibility of something more.  

And yet... I feel an amazing peace that I've LEARNED over the years of God whispering things to me from His Word, from my friends, and from my experiences in the past that I sought for peace but didn't always find it.  I used to look at the verse where Paul said he had LEARNED to be content in plenty and in want - and thought to myself how impossible that is.  But now I get to see that impossible MIRACLE, yes MIRACLE of the peace that passes understanding.  I've seen it in those who suffered for the sake of the gospel in the Bible, I see it in my friends who are walking very, very difficult roads, and I see it in myself as I ready myself to possibly walk a hard road also.  BUT now I have LEARNED from many other roads with bumps along the way, that I can if I have to becaue of who I walk with.

As the old hymn says,  Because He lives I can face tomorrow.

 Because He Lives

Bill & Gloria Gaither

How sweet to hold a newborn baby
And feel the pride and the joy that he gives
Oh but greater still, the calm assurance
We can face uncertain days because He lives

And because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth a living just because He lives

And then one day, I'll cross that river
I'll fight life's final war with pain
And then as death gives way to victory
I'll see the lights of…

  A Touch in the Wilderness                                                                                                   

-with a book preview of Jesus and Women

             by Kristi McClelland

    

   

Here I was this week in a sinus-induced brain fog.  Again.  Not a full-blown infection.  Just a minor headache that has lasted for days.  I always describe my relationship with my sinuses as a chronic one - no longer acute after 5 surgeries, but a well known stalker none-the-less.  

Here I was with no ambition to do anything.  Eat breakfast, check.  Look over email, check.  Waste time on Facebook, check.   Read my next Year Through the Bible selection, check. Get a load of wash done, check.  Stay home because of CoVid, check.  Watch the news til I can't stand it, check. Call a friend, check.

Now what?  Clean? No energy for.  Give the dog a much-needed trim? No energy for. Edit this year's Christmas list? Can't believe I have the energy to even think of that!  No energy for anything.

Duh,  how about praying? Ok... So, God what do you want me to do with this day that I have time for anything I want - the kind of day I would have given my right arm for?  No more words.  Prayer done.  Check.  

And then...here comes an email from a friend with a blog she asked me to edit (which, by the way, this blog site won't let me go back and edit some published ones that I know have mistakes - so give me grace, please, if you scroll down to earlier posts.)

And, by the grace of God, I see His hand in my friend's life.  Cutting right through my blahs of brain fog, I feel an excitement, a validation of faith, a picture of how God really does answer prayer. 

 I read my friend's post about her past year starting with the death, way too early, of her precious sister-in-law who she was so close to,   And then the death of her father - another precious person of faith gone from her life.  Then the loss of a job she loved due to restructuring of the company. And THEN...her husband getting a job in another state, so that she has left her hometown and church where she was raised and has been surrounded by family and friends (including a sister who just moved into town, and another who is moving here soon.)  And to make matters worse, this is all happening during CoVid, so that here she is in a new home, alone every day while her husband worked virtually with no way to meet new friends.  At least it gave her time to get settled!

And she was able to be the role model that she has always been to me,  counting that blessing and others, yet at the same time being transparent that this was not an easy time. 

She was in what I call a wilderness.  Fighting off the pain of less-than-desirable consequences but rather than imploding, taking each long day with a step in faith.  And sure enough, after months of quiet, lonely days and crickets from job searches, she got a part-time job that is fulfilling - AND which gives her time to set up a website for a life-coaching and church-consulting business that she has done in the past.  On her beautiful website was a post that inspired me to look at my own wilderness after reading about how she has navigated hers.

AND THEN, I get a call from another friend who shared the book Jesus and Women with me.  I'm not even done with it, but there was an excerpt about walking through a wilderness.  My brain fog and lethargy had been losing the battle between being pulled into oblivion with no ability to sense the Presence I try to practice. And certainly not feeling the peace that Presence brings. 

 But  I soon realized this call to attention had to be an answer to my prayer, as I read how the author, Kristi McClelland, tells about how the Lord often speaks to His people in a special way in wilderness seasons.  He did to my friend, resulting in a totally inspired website. He did to Jesus who after being baptized learned how to navigate the temptation by the devil in the wilderness.  He did to Moses through a burning bush on his longely trudge up Mt. Sinai.  He spoke in a still small voice to Elijah,  who had wandered off, wanting to die.

And whether anyone reads this or not, I'm committing it to paper, because He is speaking to me today. 

 Kristi reminds us of what we are told in Hosea 2:   "Therefore, I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her... In that day you will call me husband; you will no longer call me master."  As to the woman who sought just to touch Jesus' cloak in Matthew 2, He heard my pitiful little prayer, crying out only from a small wilderness, and I heard in my spirit the tender voice saying, "Take heart, daughter." 

Kristi McClelland goes on to tell us, " Instead of asking how to get out of the wilderness season - we need to listen for what the Lord is teaching... For it is out of the wilderness that the Lord brings rescue, restoration, and renewal."  If He never allowed us time in the wilderness, we would never have the need for him to touch us in these ways.  Add that to the never-ending discusson on why God allows suffering. 

She continues with this wilderness wisdom: "We tend to stare at our lives and glance at God, when we need to be staring at God and glancing at our lives."  Perhaps that is what I was doing earlier - staring at my brain fog instead of staring up above it.  And all that was required of me was to knock at His door, and He rewarded me with a touch. 

 Maybe not the Torah like Moses, or the secret to speaking to temptation like Jesus, or a beautiful website, but today, a touch was enough.  

A Touch in the Wilderness

There we go again, losing our way,          

Thinking we were in control,

Then being overwhelmed

By things that get in our way.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Big obstacles or small.    

They still can knock us down.

And cover over any thankfulness 

As a grayness starts to surround.                                                                                                                        

And we feel lost.   

Like a sheep who has strayed.

We look around and see

The wilderness we've made.

                                      

But all we need is to stop                                                                                                                           

And to make a rational choice,

We simply must stop

And listen for His voice. 

It may not come right away,   

But we can be sure He's calling for us.

He's the shepherd, He knows our ways.

We can wait with calm for the rescue, and thus...

The waiting becomes not so hard,    

For breaking through the fear  

We can trust in the knowing

That our Savior is always near.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Because of Good Friday

We're worried about those not getting checks.  We're worried those checks aren't enough.  We're worried about those out of work.  We're worried about the first responders.  We're worried about those out of work.  We're worried about the single moms trying to homeschool and work.   We're worried about the working moms trying to work and homeschool.  We're worried for children stuck in the house with abusivve parents.  We're worried about those drinking too much.  We're worried about the state of the economy - and who this virus is going to take next.  We're worried about tomorrow.

BUT wee are told, "Don't worry about tomorrow.  Tomorrow has enough cares of its own." Still, what about TODAY?   The words of the old hymn comes back to me.  "Because He lives, we can face tomorrow."  And so we can get through today.  Do we not remember that after Good Friday, came the Spirit to those in the upper room?

They went from being scared, grieving, despairing followers as they huddled together in that room - to courageous, filled, being willing to die to spread the good news.

We can have that spirit.  I see people who have that spirit who have been knocked over from this life way before the virus. They know the good news, despite the bad news they face.  They are my heroes. They are the overcomers.

I'll glance at the news.  I'll spend some time being informed of this world.  But I'll spend time accessing that spirit - especially when the world starts to overwhelm.  It's there in the Word - if we spend time to let the Spirit speak through it.  It's out of this world.  It's a peace that passes understanding in a very non-peaceful world.  And it's real.  I see it in the overcomers.

That same spirit is here TODAY, to be accessed just by asking.  Ask, seek, knock.  Because of Good Friday, that door will be answered.





He tried to tell them.
But they didn't know.
Their hope was gone.
They loved Him so.

The darkest day,
After the brightest light.
He was gone, snuffed out.
And they fled in fright.

He told them His body
Would be broken for them.
They watched it happen.
The worst sorrow - and then...

We know the story -
That Easter morn
When the world was changed,
The veil was torn.

And out of the grave
To them He appeared.
They told of His story
Down through the years.

It looked so bad -
Like all was lost.
But the world was given
A gift beyond cost.

And now this year
We again celebrate
That same old story
That can decide our fate.

But this year,
An invisible war we face
But is it really different
When each day we see the trace...

Of the evil one.
Who lurks to kill.
The end of the story
We celebrate still.

For no matter what trials
We face on this earth,
Because of Good Friday
We can have a rebirth.

Though all looked bleak
As it does for us now.
We're stuck in our homes
And though worried, somehow...

We see glimpses of
How He'll use it for good,
Althought we don't see
How He could.

We have faith that one day
He will restore us.
We will love one another.
We will sing in one chorus.

Though this world may change
And we might do without,
There STILL is
THE GOOD NEWS TO SHOUT!

For if that dark Friday
Could bring Easter Day.
Then we trust that even now
We simply can say:

We'll wait once again
With trust and hope,
Through the darkness and the fear
Somehow we'll cope.

Because when after the cross
He came out of the grave
We know He's still with us
To comfort and save.

Excerpts from Max Lucado's Anxious for Nothing...

                                                               

            The Perfect Anchor

            We find ourselves weathering

            The perfect storm

            An invisible enemy 

            That threatens to harm.

                                                                 It lurks like the devil.

                                                                  It prowls with a roar.

                                                                  We desperately look

                                                                  For the safety of shore.

                                                                  Our boats are rocked.

                                                                  Fear threatens to overwhelm.

                                                                  It's now we must look

                                                                  To the One at life's helm. 

                                                                  He is our anchor.

                                                                  He calms the child.

                                                                  He lead us through

                                                                  Life's ride that gets wild.

                                                                  For He did not promise

                                                                  Trouble would not come

                                                                  Or to calm every storm.

                                                                  But He promised to be the One...

                                                                  That would steer our boat 

                                                                  To the saftey of shore.

                                                                  He will be with us always

                                                                  He is enough!  He is more!

                                                                  We can hang on tight

                                                                  With our Anchor in tow.

                                                                  We may be tossed, 

                                                                  Yet still we can know...

                                                                  The peace

                                                                  Beyond all understanding

                                                                  That's where our hearts 

                                                                  Can have a soft landing...

                                                            

                                                                 Where we hold To His Hand

                                                                 Though the days grow long  

                                                                 He is our Anchor.

                                                                 In Him we are strong.

I must give the credit for this image of the Anchor in our storm to Max Lucado from His book Anxious for Nothing.  What a treasure trove of wisdom in that book..  I wish I could put it in every hand in the world.  Of course the Bible would be first, but this one gets straight to the matter.  

In this book, written well before this perfect storm of 2020, Max describes us as part Chicken Little and part Eeyore.  The sky is falling and it's falling disproportionately on us.   He brings words from the Bible and javelins them straight into our heart as he reminds us that the psalmist wrote, "Do not fret.  It only causes harm."  (Ps. 37:8)  He describes our anxiety as twisting us into emotional pretzels, the consequences of which can be read in about half the ailments in a medical textbook.  

He credits the news for communicating catastrophe in a matter of minutes.  We barely process one crisis, and then we hear of another.  We think as Christians we should be exempt from worry and then feel guilty when we succumb to it.  It's enough to make us wonder if Paul was out of touch with reality when he wrote, "Be anxious for nothing." (Phil. 4:6)  Anxiety is not a sin - so Max cautions us not to feel anxious about being anxious.  Anxiety can, however, lead to sinful behavior.  When we numb our fears with six-packs or endless escapism in front of the t.v., when we spew our anger about whatever doesn't sit well with us, when we peddle our fears to anyone who will buy them, we are sinning. When we magnify the negative and forget that for which would should be thankful, we are sinning.  He cautions us also with Luke 21:34:  "Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with...the anxieties of life."  

So then he makes this huge statement:  The pressure of anxiety is unavoidable, but the prison of anxiety is avoidable. 

 And so how is this, Max?  He gives us a couple of easily remembered keys to get out of this tendency to expect the worst.  He first gives us four admonitions that lead to one wonderful promise:  "the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds."  These are all found in one of my favorite places in the bible - Phillipians 4:  "Rejoice in the Lord always.  Again I will say, rejoice!  Let your gentleness be known to all men.  The Lord is at hand.  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God; and the peace which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.  Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, whatever things are lovely and of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on those things.  

In Phillipians 4 we find 4 ways we can hold onto the anchor:

                 1.  Celebrate God's goodness. "Rejoice in the Lord always." (vs. 4)

                 2.  Ask God for help.  "Let your requests be known to God."  (vs. 6)

                 3.  Leave your concerns with Him  "With thanksgiving..." (vs. 6)

                       (and I'm going to add... focus on what you DO have instead of
                        what you don't)

                 4.  Meditate on good things.  "Think about the things that are good
                       and  worthy of  praise."  (vs. 8)  (And I will add other wisdom
                       from a lecture by Henry Cloud, author of Boundaries.  He says
                       to check the news no more than 3 times a day - and get your
                       focus on some positive things! - that, from a psychologist!)

And if you think even 4 things are too hard to remember, Max simplifies it into an acronym:

                            
                             Celebrate.  Ask.  Leave. Meditate. = CALM.  

Okay, this is getting too long even for me!!!  And I only got through Chapter 1.  I love to summarize books - so here's the Reader's Digest condensed version for those of you who aren't into reading long things.  LOL!  Although thanks for sticking with me through this post!  Seriously, it's just PART of the first chapter!!  

May the God of all hope be the anchor you reach for ... as  we all wait to see the shore.  (Sorry the rhymes just come!)

     

                                                            

                                                                  

2020: A Memorable Year!

                        
                                 2020

                                   2020
                         An unprecedented year,

                         Fighting an invisible enemy,

                         Filling hearts and minds with fear.

                         A world-wide epidemic

                         We’ve never seen the like.

                         Quarantined in our homes,

                         Waiting for victim numbers to spike.

                         Where is the Lord in this?

                         We wonder in our homes.

                         Is it punishment for sin

                         That has been allowed so freely to roam?

                         Or is it some kind of warning

                         Coming from above,

                         Asking us to see the Light

                         In His mercy and His love?

                         As the world is forced to slow

                         And stop its feverish pace,

                         Maybe we’re given this time

                         To reflect on our human race.

                         For we’re all in this together

                         As throughout the globe it's spread.

                         And we wonder in its wake

                         How many will be left for dead.

                         And yet, isn’t there another enemy

                         That we fight within our core?

                         One that kills eternally…

                         Another invisible war?

                         But it’s a war already won.

                         So we can rest and trust.

                         Our God came to save us.

                         He is still merciful and just.

                         For if we have 20/20 vision

                         With which to see the Light -

                         That the battle has been won,

                         We don’t have to fight the fight.

                         We can know that no matter 
                              what befalls us

                         In this 2020 year,

                         If we have eyes to see we’re saved,

                         We can move forward with no fear.

                         We can encourage one another

                         And stay connected with those for 
                               whom we care.

                         And with the unfortunate who are 
                               impacted more

                         We can reach out to them and share.

                          We can be thankful for our homes

                          Where we can rest and wait.

                          For those who know Our Savior

                          Can place in His loving hands our fate.

                    

Don't know about you all, but the is what the rest of my March 2020 calendar looks like - it went from busy days with lots of things filled in - to totally blank.
So many plans interfered with - weddings, trips, graduations, not to mention work and the plans for the economy to keep rolling that we all just expected  - until this abrupt STOP!

I only seem to blog anymore when something hits me and I actually have time to stop and reflect on it.  Obviously, even in retirement, I don't take time to reflect often beyond my morning quiet time. And those of you that know me, know when I reflect deeply, it usually turns to rhyme!  There's something about poetry that captures a snippet of time or a concept in a short form, allowing you to see the main points of it.  Well, I may not want to remember this point in time, but here goes... Who knows how many calendar pages it will affect,  or how many it will throw into financial disaster, personal grief, or just plain depression from staying home.

Personally, the teacher in me feels like it is a snow day - a gift to stop the rat race and slow down.  I love how our church has reached out and encouraged us to stay in touch with our small groups and loved ones. I've loved having time to connect with people I don't always get to in the hustle bustle of life.

Thank the Lord for technology that enables us to do this.  I got to Zoom into an online bible class on Tuesday and hope our small group will meet virtually to pray.  I've already shared prayer requests with our small group by email.  And I did go for a walk with neighbors - even though we walked in a large triangle instead of next to each other - and of course we did without the customary hugs.

I love how teachers are planning virtual lessons, and bus drivers plan on dropping off lunches for kids, and people are checking with shut ins.  Yes, this 2020 year will be remembered - when the
newscasters start referring to prayer as in the case of 9/11 or school shootings, you know we're up against something bigger than we are.

So yes, I'm looking at the bright side, wondering if God hasn't slowed down our lives for our families to reconnect, for mom's to teach their own kids, for friends to have time to talk rather than rushing to some event, and even perhaps for them to have time to think of what hand God may be playing in this. But, of coure it's only the first week.  And I realize there is going to be much heartache - lost income, lost loved ones, loss of memories that should have been happy ones.  Still we are told in Roman's 8:28 that "all things work together for good for those who love the Lord," somehow, someway, even if it isn't comfortable.  Yes, all things, even this.   For that quote from Rick Warren - that "God cares more about our character than our comfort" is surely true.  He'll do anything to get our attention when it has become fixed on the world instead of Him.  Maybe that's what He's doing.

I'm offering this poem in the light of making the most of it, having a good perspective - and giving you something to watch excepts more germs and talking heads on tv.  May God protect anyone reading this during this time.

The King is Coming

                                         

   
     We had just been to the actual site where Jesus would have entered the city walls on a donkey.  Soon after we went to the Holocaust museum of Israel.  It may not be Palm Sunday yet, but I've been hearing those words, "The King is Coming" in my mind since our guide in Israel took us to the entrance to the Holocaust Museum and shrugged his shoulders.  A Jewish Christian, he talked about how we must remember history and know that it repeats itself.  That we must do what we can to avoid that, but to know that whatever happens on earth, to know that the King is Coming.

     In the museum, where there were no pictures allowed, I saw an inscription taken from a Holocaust survivor, saying something to the effect of, "Though there was so much suffering, there was a certain happiness even there among us who follow the Christ."  They knew the King is coming and that they had Him with them even there.  Yes, even there.

     I read an article lately that pierced my soul about how a huge number of German Christians supported Hitler and how there was no uprising among Christians as the horrors of the concentration camps became known.  Of course there was the media blitz whitewashing the truth, and there was probably the element of fear if they spoke out.   But the fact remains.

     Today, I see Christians take views of today's political situation from all points of view - protect unborn babies on one side, protect the minorities and refugees on the other.  What can we do about the state of the world?  What should we do?   I saw layers upon layers of civilizations in Israel.  Here today, gone tomorrow.  Ancient opulent fortresses, remains of cities once flourishing,  those kings and subjects long gone.  The sermon series of Ecclesiastes we're in brings to mind the lament of Solomon describing life as "Meaningless, meaningless, " though he had everything under the sun.  In one of these sermons we learned  that meaningless can actually be translated as fleeting.  I'm studying Isaiah, with whole peoples being warned, but then destroyed.

     I've been pondering all this for days,  and I think about the traveling we've been so fortunate to be able to do.  Who would have thought it - two schoolteachers traveling the world?  Is it because we have been blessed - why us? - when my friend is in the hospital facing maybe her 30th or so surgery? Why us when refugees are fleeing persecution in far parts of the world that I come near in a tour bus?

    But in the quiet of this morning, the King came to me once again.  He whispered through the words of one of my favorite writers, Anne Voskamp.  In the journey of her devotional, Abundant Life, she also ponders some of these type of thoughts.  She writes about the second time in the Story of the Bible, where we see Jesus weep, where pain breaks Him, and "as the palm branches wave, our God weeps:  when Jesus approached Jerusalem, He wept over it and said, 'If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace'..."  And I think surely He is looking down from heaven saying the same thing even now.

     Anne Voskamp writes and I piece together sentences that jump off the page of her book, The Abundant Life:  "If only you had known what would bring you peace...We want more comfort, and He offers us a cross. We want more position, and He offers us purpose.  We want more ease, and He offers us eternity...Don't believe things can change?  Just look at Palm Sunday, to Good Friday, to Resurrection Sunday.  Always believe, always keep hoping things can change....There are days when Christ comes to me in ways that look as lowly as coming on a donkey, and I'm the fool who doesn't recognize how God comes.  He enters every moment the way He chooses and this is always the choice:  wave a palm or a hammer...Maybe the call of Holy Week is simply about carrying your own daily cross...The cosmic truth sealed in the wounds of the broken God is that the greatest brokers of abundance know an unspoken broken...What makes us feel the most disqualified for the abundant life is actually what makes us feel most qualified.  It's the broken and the limping, the wounded and the scarred...that may know best where to run with wounds.  It's only the broken who know how our broken wounds can be the very best cracked, thin places that reveal God...and allow us to feel safe holding His hand.  Those who've known an unspoken broken can speak the most real healing.  Stay weak and dependent.  This is how you stay strong with God. "

     She then brings Romans 8:28 alive, how God can miraculously us ALL things, even the bad and the suffering for good:  " and this Holy Week, there's the woman who wipes the drool from her father's chin and carries him down the hall to the toliet.  And the mothers who lays down bit of her life to wash the bowls and underwear of the teenager calling her a whore.  And the missionary in the jungle, in a brothel, in slum, and nobody applauds.... Maybel the realest sacrifices of praise are not the ones shouted at the beginning of Holy Week, but the secret, sacred rites that are gifts of praise given back to Him, gifts to Him and the world, offered with no thought of return on the investment, just given where the only spotlight is His light, and your one flaming heart."

    And she ends the chapter on Palm Sunday with this bit of pure poetry: "The way to worship Christ is more than raising your hands like you're waving palm branches:  it's stretching your arms like you're formed like a cross."

   And I get my answer to my churning heart this morning, though it is still Lent, though the air is still cold, though the birds are just beginning to know it's spring:  to simply be the light in my little circle of the world.  To choose to wave palm branches instead of a hammer.  And know that maybe I don't have to have politics and world affairs all figured out.  That unlike Ahaz in the 7th chapter of Isaiah who refused to trust even though God had promised Him safety and in story after story in the bible, that we can trust Him...the King is coming.  That He wants our dependence, not our self-reliance in having everything figured out.  That righteousness comes not from being perfect or knowing how to save the world as we know it, but it comes from just walking with Him - taking our daily marching order to love where we can, make a difference where we can - but doing it always knowing He will place those opportunities like palm branches before us - and that no matter what suffering we are riding into on our own lowly donkeys of potential or present suffering. we can know...THE KING IS COMING!

Re-membering

         

     Yes, He does still speak.  Maybe not audibly.  But He speaks clearly in the sunrise, the silent snowfall, the smile of a friend, in His promises in the Word, and in the lives of His saints. Yes, He speaks.   

     Often I sit in the early morning light and read His Word.  And sometimes there is a subtle shift in my heart, or even an a-ha when the ears of my heart suddenly open.  It's beyond explanation but this morning I heard these words:  He remembers His covenant forever, the promise He made for a thousand generations.  Ps. 105:8.  

     Yes, sometimes I just read His Word, but today I heard these words in my heart.  I am drawn up short as I read that verse  in the middle of a devotional by Anne Voskamp from the Way of Abundance.  I breathe in the meaning.  And then I grieve for those whose have encountered those promises - maybe in a church service, or when scanning the radio stations in the car - but who haven't breathed them in - who may have considered them as part of their culture, even their Sunday routine, but haven't made them theirs - who, as they meet the things in life that break us all, forget them as they desperately try to hold themselves together on their own.  

    As a little girl sitting in Catholic church, I believe I heard the whisper of His Word even though I couldn't really make out the full message.   I loved church and took the bible off the shelf where it sat at home and tried to make sense of the directives in the Proverbs even as an early reader.  But it wasn't until a Young Life meeting in high school where I began to hear the Word preached by a young college student leader who applied them in a way that high schoolers could understand...and they they suddenly came alive to me.  I'll never forget the first prayer I prayed that wasn't a pre-written one for me, where I really talked to God and said, "Let my life be a prayer."  Over the years, there have been times where I got in the way of hearing them, looking more at my circumstances  horizontally so that I didn't spend enough time reaching up vertically.  But even when my own self-talk drowned out a message He had for me - and still does oftentimes - I can honestly say, He has never left me.  I know if I but wait He will speak to me again and my heart will be whole. 

     This morning He speaks to me further in words from Anne Voskamp's experience that suddenly shout at me in the dim light:    When life breaks our hearts, goes ahead and breaks parts and members of us - there are moments that can re-member us, that can put the parts and members of bits of our hearts back together again.  

     This psalm I read at the brink of day re-members me and arms me for the journey.  No matter what the day, the month, the year holds for me - whatever joy or sorrow - He remembers me.  He has kept His promises to me on my small journey on this planet - just as He did to the Israelites, and to Mary when stunned by her virgin pregnancy, and to the Ephesians, and the Corinthians, and to any of us today who will still themselves long enough to listen.  

    As I re-member this morning, I think back to times when His promises to never leave me were all I had to cling to.  And He brought me through, every time.  And I became better, not bitter, as was once my tendency.  Remembering this morning truly does re-member me - and  the chips of my heart that are broken even now are glued back into place with the gentle touch of trust and hope.

     And then I read these words as I continue on in my reading:  The great challenge of faith is holding onto hope after you've lost your naivete... The art of living lies in the balance of holding on - and letting go because He's holding on to you.  He's holding on to everything... Hold on to His promises.  Let go into His plan.  

    And, despite the state of the world, and the aches of unanswered prayers, and the ache in my back, I go into this day re-membered.  

Re-membering

Take heart, I have overcome the world,

Though in this world there will be trouble.

These words come to me once more

Forming like a vaporous bubble...

That slows me in my random thoughts

Clawing to make sense

Of the suffering of this world,

Sometimes vague, sometimes intense.

And in the remembering of all the times

He has come to me in the dark,

When prayer was all I had

And He empowered me to embark...

On a journey back to wholeness, 

Putting the pieces of my heart

Back together in the re-membering,

He's done this from the start...

From when I first started listening

Not just holding Him as a belief,

But heard His words as a promise,

A place to go for relief.

And I pray now for those

Who might not yet know this hope,

Who are struggling with the things of life,

Trying on their own to cope.

With the recent diagnosis,

Or the heartache of abuse,

Or the fear of tomorrow's bills

Or anxiety tightening like a noose.

I pray that their ears 

Might be opened to His Word,

That they will recognize them

As the best they've ever heard.

And my heart slows its throbbing 

Ache for for those who ache,

And rests in the assurance

He will keep offering til they take. 

For I stop and still to think

Of all my prayers that have been heard,

And I remember now and trust

That I can take Him at His word.