Its title drew me in because as a life coach I see so many people clawing at being able to be resilient after some of the most awful experiences in life - death of a loved one, health, financial, relationship issues, or sometimes just going under because of the pressures and stresses that are a part of life. I've noticed a pattern - that whether they bear up under their hardships or have their disappointment or sadness spiral into depression and bitterness, all depends on their thought processes - basically in what they believe about what has happened to them and how to navigate it. Some already have resilience and just need reassurance, which understandably sometimes takes time to kick in, but some are so ingrained in their belief system, they don't know where to start or they've lost hope in starting the uphill climb at all.
We've all been in the place where we're faced with calamity or distress. We've all known the feelings of discouragement, disappointment, depression or just plain blankness of soul. It's part of the human condition. But we don't have to stay there.
John Eldredge points out in his book Resilience that we all have an innate yearning for things to be good. It's one of the deepest yearnings of the human heart. We all search for happiness! He tells us "that it has slumbered in the depths of our souls ever since we lost our true home. For our thoughts remember Eden." Whether you are a believer in God or not, he points out that we all have this Primal Drive for a good life... we often live in denial of it being an idol, but we all go off looking for a taste of Eden - or of the deep-seated memories of the womb where it was all soft and warm. Some people end up thinking they'll find it in a bottle, or a job, a hobby, or a new relationship, a vacation, a new or redecorated house, or in the government getting things right. Truly, these can be gifts that sustain the heart. But the trick is to not make them the focus of life. Look where you spend your time and your money and you'll find your belief system of what you think will make your world right.
Although in earlier years I read many of them, I've never found any self-help book to help, trying to get over some of my own trauma, having grown up with an often depressed mother. But when I found the Bible, I've studied it ever since, because I have found answers there! And anything I did find helpful in a self-help book, I've found in the Bible. Not that I won't have a few questions on the other side of this earth, and not that I understand all of the Bible, but it makes such profound sense to me the more I study it on how to live and react to life. I've seen its truth played out over and over. That is what makes me believe in it more than anything. I don't get stuck on the confusing parts, because there are soooo many parts that are crystal clear. It's also been confirmed fully in my work a life coach, because of the many lives I have seen changed by people who adopt its principles.
And it doesn't take a Bible scholar to have it be beneficial. Sometimes it just takes one verse that suddenly hits a person's heart with truth. I recently saw one woman who was severely depressed learn to "Speak the truth in love" (Eph. 4:15) - that verse hit her like a tsunami. She had not been brought up as a believer, but because of that one verse she adopted as a belief, she learned to manage the people at her work differently. And when she decided she wanted to learn more, she joined a church and radiantly announced at her baptism that "People say I'm changed!" Now that's a miracle, if you ask me! And I get to see them all the time!! Beauty from ashes!
My own mother didn't learn resilience until at age 85 when the verse, "Praise the God of comfort, that comforts us SO THAT we can comfort others."(2 Cor. 1:3) hit her heart. That one verse helped her to understand why God allows us some pain in life, and caused her to look to help others instead of focusing on her own issues and the pain she had been through in life. I also will never forget the day she said to me, "I guess I need to stop dwelling on the past and make the most of the time I have left." And she did! At her funeral there was much talk about the peace she finally found later in life. I also will never forget the joy that radiated from her when she talked about giving a woman in her retirement home a 90th birthday party - the first birthday party that woman had ever had. I'd dare say that comforting others is not usually the place where we first look for our happiness.
As Eldredge boldly puts it, "Who gets to put a governor on my natural inclinations? I'd turn to Jesus if I were you." I once heard a psychologist who was teaching about the spiritual nature of healing say that she often saw people stabilized with talk therapy and medications, but she never saw anyone really healed of their mental strongholds until they had a spiritual touch. It doesn't always come by way of one verse but this verse is clear: "Without faith it is impossible to please God. He rewards those who earnestly seek Him." (Heb. 11: 6) Sometimes it takes persistence in seeking earnestly. Based on many other things that Jesus said, I'd venture to say, he ONLY rewards those who earnestly seek Him, and I'm talking about the eternal reward or punishment here. That thought may not be one in vogue, but has to be sobering if you've taken time to think about it at all.
In Galations 5 we're told by following Jesus we gain the fruits of the spirit, "Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control." Those are gifts we receive on this earth as Jesus followers. Those gifts are enough reward alone for seeking Him, which I can attest are gifts I wish I'd sought earlier in life - and which I personally value above all else. These intangible gifts are a good measure of whether your Driving Force is working for you.
And yes, we still see plenty of lack of self-control and little evidence of these other traits even among Christians who are at least profess to be seeking these gifts. The Bible speaks on this too: "The mind governed by the flesh is weak, but the mind governed by God's Spirit is life and peace." (Romans 8:6). Our natural defaults take over so easily since our mind is so filled with what's going on around us. It takes practice and dedication to abide in the vine as the parable of Jesus tells us to. We never fully achieve it this side of heaven, but we can strive to continue to learn to abide. You've heard it said: Church is a place for sinners. At least they are seeking those fruits! They have a target that is a lasting and fulfilling one. After all who doesn't want love and joy and peace?
Eldredge, as a trained professional therapist, tells us we need to identify our emotions and let them out, not suppress them. He says, "We honor our emotions by acknowledging them. But we bridle our emotions by keeping them subject to truth." Surely many emotions need bridling! But where is truth? Could our truth be we have made up as a result of our own experiences? Have you ever stopped to think on who is shaping the narrative for your beliefs and perspective on the world? Past traumas, your family of origin, friends, social media?
Eldredge goes on to say ,"We cannot let our emotions drive the bus... Mental resilience begins when we decide to take hold of our thought life. We can begin with not catastrophizing and speculating. We burn through so much of our emotional, mental, and spiritual energy simply through worry, anger, being generally unsettled, and by taking in too much of the overwhelming news of the world. We must intentionally replenish our reserves and we can do that without taking vacation time."
But it does take the discipline of letting go of our distractions and getting quiet and filling our mind with truth! The Bible tells us Jesus often went away alone - if He needed this time, surely we do even more! This verse takes no interpretation: "Whatever if true, noble right -whatever is pure, lovely, admirable -whatever is excellent or praiseworthy, think on these things." In the worst situation, there is always something to be thankful for - now that's a biblical concept that could change the world!
And if you have some faith, but maybe are not practicing because you've been disgusted by some of the real harm religion and the organized church has done, I hear you, but if you have no organized place to learn, have you really checked out if what you do believe lines up with the Bible? What are your beliefs based on? So many times I hear the Bible misquoted by people that obviously haven't opened it up! The Bible is a book that people spend their whole life studying, who eyewitnesses died to proclaim and has stood the test of time, supported by history and archeological evidence. I'm so amazed that so many just ditch this book of wisdom. Have you given Jesus's words a chance? Do you even know them? How is your current belief system working for you? Are you bypassing wisdom because some people have twisted it? Though it is an amazing piece of wisdom, and there are some confusing parts, there are many, many parts that are crystal clear, and can be life-changing.
Eldredge begins by telling us that a "sort of belief" won't give you the resilient results you want. It takes singlemindedness, putting away all of the idols of what we try to fill our God-shaped hole in our heart with. It means taking the first commandment seriously, "Love your God with your whole heart, mind and soul." That's a commandment - one that "good people" may not be responding to. It means we put God first, before we hit social media, or the to-do list for the day; we search out the source of strength. We can begin by just turning our mind to Him. Romans 8: 26-27 says, "The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us..." I've found topical books are one place to start that contain stories of how the Bible has worked to help people find peace in many situations, like this one with endless bible references, where we let someone else tell of their experience in using THE good book to help them handle life.
Eldredge reminds us that "We all have a deep inner life, whether we pay attention to it or not. This is hopeful because we can learn to access it....Our attention is ruled by what is before us on earth; we are unpracticed at drawing anything from the depths of our being because the tumultuous, upset world we live in keeps us from going beyond the surface level of our life to find the beautiful presence of Jesus-within-you. This isn't about attaining some new level of sainthood, We're simply pausing, and releasing." He's telling that when we release the world for just a moment of prayer we can change our emotions as we do what we are told: "Cast all your cares upon Him.(I Peter 5:7) We can learn to count to ten and put it all in the hands of God for a few moments as we clear our minds and wait for solutions and peace, and our next step.
Another Biblical word of wisdom: "Watch yourselves, lest your hearts be weighed down with... the cares of this life. Stay alert at all times, praying you have the strength to escape all the things that are going to take place, and to stand before the Son of Man." (Luke 21:34-36) Yes, I believe in heaven - do you?- if not, what do you base your belief on? If I'm right about the Bible having the answer to life AND heaven, look at what that verse says I get: strength and standing before God. And if I'm wrong - at least it has given me a measure of peace and resilience on earth. What are you going to do with the words of the man who changed history in three years, ignore them?
As C.S. Lewis has famously reminded us, Jesus was either the Son of God or a liar or a lunatic. We have historical proof he walked this earth and His words have been accurately recorded (check the archaeological findings. An easy read on this is A Case for Christ by Lee Canter, a modern day atheist who got his undergraduate degree at Missouri University who set out to prove he was right, but instead proved himself wrong.) C.S. Lewis and Jordan Peterson who also were atheists who set out to prove their theory, but by thoroughly and studiously examining their beliefs are now believers.
"Be transformed by the renewing of your mind" is what we're commanded in Rom. 2 - again, commanded! Where do most of us go to be transformed from the angst of this world? Where do we go for renewing? Is our mind transformed to peace by figuring out your politics? Improving your golf or pickleball game? Going on a great vacation? Spending time on social media? All can be enjoyable distractions, but do they produce true transformation and merit the priority in your life?
The Bible tells us, "Out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being. (Eph. 3:16), and Jesus Himself said, " The one who believes in Me, from out of his innermost being will flow rivers of living water. (John 7:38). Eldredge doesn't mince words with His conclusion, "This is the secret of all recovery and resilience - that Jesus Christ comes to dwell within our created nature, deep down in the center of our being. It is down in the depths that we must learn to tap into Him , for the strength that prevails. That is the only hope strong enough... to overcome the heartache of the world."" That may be the one of the reasons God allows testing here on earth, for if it was like heaven, why would we turn to Him? That's all He wants, we'll never be good enough; all He wants is for us to turn to Him, abide in Him.
Eldredge's work as a counselor allows him to make this very bold statement: "The secret to our unhappiness and the answer to the agony of the earth are one and the same - we are longing for the kingdom of God." We all long for life to be like heaven! The resilient person understands that their present situation is something they are moving through - even if the results are not what they are hoping for on this earth. They are ones that tap into the help of God to see us through those times. Eldredge says, "This frame of mind changes everything. Over and over, in a thousand little choices we must turn our faces back to God. It's best to do this in the moment, or we will be tempted to give our heart to something else that will bring temporary relief. The great falling away from church - that human landslide of weary and bitter hearts - is filled with people who have reached the point where their hearts have simply decided to settle for relief, small turns to other comforts."
And what answers have you come up concerning the greatest questions about life? - such as what happens after death, and why God allows suffering. Where else do you find those answers if you've rejected what the Bible teaches? Or have you made up your own version of it, such as all good people go to heaven? Unfortunately, that's NOT what the Bible teaches. Personally, I'd rather base my life and what happens in eternity on a way of thinking that is also helpful on earth, even if I find out in the end it's wrong! All I know FOR SURE is how I've seen for myself how this way of living has rescued me and so many people out of bitterness and despondency as I have navigated the valleys we all encounter in this life.
Many churches will help you do this, where you will also find true fellowship, and conversation about the major questions of life, the questions not usually entered into at the country club or social gatherings or sports events. It is in a gospel-preaching church where you are helped to unlock some of the mysteries in the Bible, for instance, as I learned in a sermon recently, to understand that the rich, young ruler was turned away, not because he didn't give his riches away - Jesus didn't ask more than 10% of anyone else - but he saw what an idol it was to this man. True, some churches unfortunately focus on doctrinal issues and being right about some of the questions that are not clearly addressed in God's word. But it's not rocket science. Jesus influenced the world in three short years, leaving it forever changed. He constantly preached to the poor and marginalized who weren't so proud as to think that they had it all figured out. They were the ones searching.
Eldredge says, "So many are looking for the kingdom without the king. They give up because our journey of salvation is not instantaneously life-changing." This typical human condition is why David cried out, "Give me an undivided heart." (Psalm 86:11). Read the psalms next time you're down - see the horrible enemies David was dealing with, how he poured out his heart to God, and at the end of almost every psalm you see a quieting of heart as David turns to God.
It's as hard to describe this connection with God as it is to describe the color blue to a blind man. But if you "Be still and know that I am God," (Psalm 46:10) which is another command, not a suggestion, soon you'll hear that still, small voice that Elijah heard shortly after he was so depressed he was ready to die in I Kings 19. We've all had what I call glimpses of heaven - in a sunset, a piece of beautiful music, on a gorgeous sunlit day - that's where God stirs our hearts and speaks as Romans 1:20 tells us " For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without an excuse." Next time you get down, start getting still with a walk in God's creation. Who else can describe that feeling of awe that a sunset can bring?
Eldredge also tells us to not give up, that "Simply because the rage, bitterness, unbelief, pops out of your closet doesn't mean your salvation isn't real. It is a process, not an event, to be delivered into the pure air of God's way of thinking and feeling." True faith more than what church you attend or holding certain doctrinal beliefs; it is a union of the soul with God. It's more than your failings. God is as patient with us as a shepherd with sheep, often calling us little children, expecting us to mess up - and just wanting us to keep following His lead, rerouting when we get off His path.
Eldredge constantly refers to our search for happiness, and tells us how we miss it. He describes fully how we only "sort of " want God; what we really want is life to be like we want it. And if he doesn't give it to us right away, (which might be helping us develop resilience and learning to seek Him first), "we get lost chasing after whatever we think will fill our famished cravings." It makes me think of the church of Laodicia in Revelation that were told that they were "neither hot nor cold, lukewarm" - and God says he is about to "spit them out of His mouth!...Whoever has ears, let them hear." Maybe we need the story of Ezekiel to remind us to how to hang tight even if wind, and earthquakes and fire still come after we've rested and been still - because it was then he heard the still, small voice.
Are you listening?
Finding Resilience in the 23rd Psalm
